the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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