I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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