she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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