Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
