the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
