My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
