Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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