Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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