You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
