i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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