If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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