I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
