FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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