My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
