It's Friday. Sex?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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