she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
