hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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