Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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