He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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