there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
