The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im just a social blackout drinker.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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