Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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