hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
