I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
vagina is talking i cant
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
