So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My feet surprised me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
