Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
