I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
