Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
