did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
