He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
