My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
