nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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