yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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