Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
