Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
