one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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