Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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