Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
