I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
