More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My liver just broke up with me...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
