I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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