i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
