when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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