I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
