how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
