he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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