Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
