I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
