He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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