I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
