Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no, he came in my armpit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
