Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
