What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
