She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
