thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
