Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
